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Picking your battles

This week I seem to have been dealing with many battles.

Some personal, some professional, and some on my Dad’s behalf as I navigate dealing with his estate.

It occurs to me that I ALWAYS fight back when things feel unfair or unjust.

One of my values in life is fairness.

You will always find me looking to be the fairest I can be in any situation.

And I expect it from others too, in relationships personal and professional.

But I don’t always get it, and it makes my blood boil.

For example, earlier this year (and in my previous role), I had a work dispute regarding someone’s behaviour towards me. I needed them to understand how their behaviour made me feel.

And so I tried to let them know. I did all the right things, used specific examples, and told them what I’d expect to be different.

And for the most part, to my great frustration, it fell on deaf ears. That person will likely not reflect on their behaviour, they won’t change anything, they’ll continue in the way they did before.

And honestly, it shows why we shouldn’t have been working together in the first place. They are not one of “my people.”

The thing I realise is, you can’t always “win”, even when something happens that feels really unjust and really unfair.

So this week I am working on two things: picking my battles in the first place, and making peace with things when they do feel unfair.

With picking my battles – well, that one’s a bit of a work in progress. Having a strong value around fairness often means I wade into any battle without thinking! But I am learning to pause a bit more, sometimes I just draft a response then sit with it!

Letting it go, I find a little bit easier, and here’s what I do:

1. Consider if it’s worth continuing to try to make myself heard. I often feel the need to be understood in a point I’m making – so I can go back and forth in a disagreement and try to make my point understood. Now I ask myself “is it worth it?” will that person ever understand me? Will I gain anything from it? Or can I let it go?
2. If the answer is “yes” it is worth it – sometimes that simply means giving information. So I try to do that in order to close the issue off in my mind, whether it’s by text, email, etc – just to put the information across.
3. If the answer is “no” it’s not worth it – I will often write a letter down, on paper, all of the ways I feel about this, really allowing my emotion to come out. And then, I burn it! Letting it go in my mind’s eye as I do so – an energetic release!

How do you let things go? I’d love to know – just hit reply and tell me.

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Kirsten xxx

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Kirsten Smith

Coach | Trainer | Retreat Leader

​kirsten@shineontribe.co.uk​

​077 077 077 93​

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